The idea of going on this cruise kind of came out of nowhere. And, while we were both very wary of t

To layout it out for you, Danielle the fiance and I took a Celebrity cruise on their Solstice ship to Alaska. We started in Seattle, Washington and then sailed out to three different towns in Alaska then sailed back to Victoria, BC, Canada and, finally, back to Seattle. I m going to do this in installments because I have a lot of shit to say or jokes or asides, so I ll roll this out in three segments.
This was both of our first cruise experience. And, seemingly, our last. Hopefully, our last. I m not going to deny that there outside forces in the world that could somehow lure us back on a cruise. Those outside forces could be a maniac with a gun that shoots radioactive spiders, for one. Another force could be a legit bored out of his or her mind billionaire who gives each Danielle and I millions of dollars to do another cruise again. Honestly, that sounds more like a him billionaire than a her billionaire. I just don t see a woman billionaire getting THAT bored, you know. Either way those are two scenarios that I could see us getting back onto a cruise boat for. Outside of those type of scenarios, I don t see us venturing anywhere near the cruise docks in this lifetime or the next.
Going on cruises aka cruising not the 1980 psychological thriller starring Al Pacino about catching a serial killer plaguing the underground gay S M scene in New York City and strangely actual cruising is more perverse than this movie is really only for some people mexico travel advisories just like those leather bars I just mentioned. Some people like to cruise and generally those people mexico travel advisories continue to cruise and cruise and cruise and would cruise to the fucking grocery store if they could.
Cruising is a very particular way to travel. Living on a boat for a week is a very particular way to travel, obviously. Eating meal after meal on this boat. Sleeping on this boat. Getting drunk on this boat. Going to see entertaining shows on this boat. Swimming in a pool on this boat. And all the while, this boat is dressed up like an Atlantic City casino hotel. Because mexico travel advisories that s exactly what it is a floating Atlantic City hotel that is more like a prison because you do not get to pick and choose when you do the things you want to do this boat chooses mexico travel advisories for you!
Danielle and I didn t just stick our toe in the shallow end no, we jumped headfirst into the deep end of this gay S M Atlantic City floating hotel of cruising and we gave it a shot. It wasn t all bad because
The idea of going on this cruise kind of came out of nowhere. And, while we were both very wary of the whole thing we kind of were like, They re not going to kill us, so that s really all we have to fear, right? So, we decided to do a cruise. To try it out. Almost to see what the big deal was with this odd subculture and also get to see the 49th state.
Standing in line on the docks in Seattle amongst the people who would fill up this giant 3000 person boat with us, it dawned on Danielle and I that we very well might be the sexiest fucking people mexico travel advisories boarding the damn boat. And, not necessarily because of our sexiness, mexico travel advisories but more so from the dearth of sexiness that everyone else was bringing with them onto the boat.
Sure, there were a few people here and there that were attractive, but it was very far and few between with I would guess the mean age being 67. There were people standing in line that I wasn t 100% confident would live long enough to actual get on the boat. Thankfully, no medical emergencies arrived mexico travel advisories and we did end up on the ginormous boat after a couple of hours of checking in.
Once on the boat, the place looks and feels like an Atlantic City hotel casino. Or really any hotel casino, but there s the nuvo whatever mexico travel advisories that AC has that is also slightly compact. I wouldn mexico travel advisories t say Las Vegas just because Las Vegas is a wasteland, so those hotels could take up as much space as they want and they re pretty much their on cities at this point. AC casinos are more like a small town, so that s why I keep saying AC. It s not just because I m from Jersey.
With a drink package paid before, mexico travel advisories what else is there to do besides mexico travel advisories drink? And by drink, I mean alcohol. There could be a rogue Amish person reading this blog that I m trying to make understand, but whatever. Anyway! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! Yes, drinking is really the only to do because drinking a Jack Daniels and Coke costs just as much as drinking a Coke without Jack Daniels when you ve got a drink package because in the world of this cruise boat soda is as precious a commodity as alcohol. So, why not drink? Why not add champagne to that orange juice? Why even have the orange juice? Why not drink red wine from the moment mexico travel advisories you arise to the moment you pass on an armchair in the third floor lobby with Shakira blaring and your purple teethed mouth hanging wide open? WHY NOT?!
So, we drank. We drank quite a bit. Or at least I did on the first day on the boat. We got on the boat around 4pm and from then until bed, I drank. And, I didn t think too much about it. Part of the reason I was doing it was because of the above mentioned price and part of the reason I was doing it was because there is little else to do on the boat outside of just contemplatively stare out a window or I guess read or sleep. Another mexico travel advisories thing, I was quite nervous about being on this boat for a week because   I GET SEA SICK.
Why do a cruise then? Because fuck the world that s why! Right? I can master sea sickness. Fuck, the sea. You think you re better than me, sea? CAUSE YOU RE FUCKING NOT! And, spoiler alert, I did master sea sickness. I did get used to do the boat and didn t feel sea sick for the majority of the trip and all that. BUT! I did feel sea sick one day. But I m jumping ahead and not. What I wanted to mention is that, yes, I ve been sea sick before. I was sea sick on a fishing boat during a bachelor party. I didn t throw up, but I felt like I was going to and I was quite woozy. But what I m learning about my problems with the sea come from being motherfucking hungover or sick drunk. I had been partying for 3 days straight by the time we went on the fishing boat and, as mentioned, I drank a bunch the first day of the cruise. I m not the best on boats as it s few and far between mexico travel advisories when I m on them, so it takes me awhile to accustom myself and I might get a little queasy, woozy on the boat in the beginning and this gets far far far worse when I m hungover.
Nevertheless the first day. We drank. We saw our stateroom in the boat, which was like a little camper motorhome kind of room with a veranda. There were 4 channels of TV to watch FOX News, TBS, TNT, and Cartoon Network. And, as far as on boat entertainment, what was provided by the boat was a variety of stage shows for people who have never seen actually mexico travel advisories good stage shows of any sort or spending an obscene amount of money on anything that was at the onboard spa. So, Danielle and I did go to a show, which we regretted immediately and we ate some food on the boat and Danielle had ice cream moments being on the boat because why not it s there.
Eventually, dinner came and Danielle and I got all dressed up to go to the Grand Epernay dining room where the majority of the boat eats dinner. You can go to one of the specialty dining restaurants on board which cost an arm and a leg out of pocket, you can go to the casual buffet which is where you eat every other meal, or you can send for room service which was more or less snacking on grilled hot dogs and salad in your bed. So, we chose to do the big dinner cruise experience where they assign you a table and you are placed mexico travel advisories with other randoms on the cruise at a table for you to make awkward small talk with them.
Danielle and I had our table to ourselves. A four person table pressed up against another four person table and the rest of the 6 seats remained mexico travel advisories empty as Danielle and I ate our meal while we people watched and talked shit on the rest of the weirdos mexico travel advisories on the boat. As for the food, it was ok. I was never satisfied by anything I ate on the boat for the most part. I just found it all kind of bland. I ate lobster on the boat and it was meh. I ate steak on the boat and it was meh. I ate salmon, lamb, cheesecake, and even a spinach salad and it was all passable, but not enjoyable. The only things on the boat I would recommend were the peanut butter cookies and the chocolate cookies with the white chocolate chips. mexico travel advisories I wouldn t recommend their straight up chocolate chip cookies because those sucked. The only thing I consistently enjoyed were the two cookies mexico travel advisories mentioned and champagne.
The boat does not stop moving ever. It s always rocking. It s always swaying. Day 2 was one of our TWO days at sea. So, all of day 2 we would never step foot on never rocking dry land. And, I woke up sea sick.
I had the sea bands on my wrists from the moment I got on the boat to the moment I got off, but that morning they weren t helping unless what they were doing was preventing me from just throwing up until I collapsed exhausted forever. I took Dramamine, but that didn t help or at least didn t help right away.
Being out at sea means that you put your phone to airplane mode or you just turn it off entirely. When you re on the high seas, your phone will switch over to cellular at sea which sucks and costs a fortune. Danielle had her work phone, so we could leave that on because we weren t footing the bill, but as mentioned that cellular at sea sucks the phone s time read the time was Sydney, Australia time and not just west of Seattle time. Why? Well, the boat was from Sydney originally, but who the fuck knows how these invisible lines of communication work. Either way, Danielle looked at her phone and it said that it was 12pm, but it was really 7am, so she freaked out a little that we were sleeping our way through our cruise which honestly is probably the best thing to do.
So there we were, up and out of the room about as early as I could possibly imagine mexico travel advisories us ever waking up to do anything ever and I m hungover, I ve gotten very little sleep bec